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Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Ordinary fathers - and I've moved to a new location!

If you are over here from Gen Fab and trying to read the rest of Ordinary Fathers, I've moved my blog and writer's website to a new location. The rest of Ordinary Fathers can be found in this link - http://pamhoughton.com/2013/05/ordinary-fathers.html

Hope to see you over there!


Originally published in Metro Parent Magazine, June 2012.

This is a blog hop. 

24 comments:

  1. This was beautifully written, Pam.

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  2. you're right, Pam - it WAS his loss that he wasn't able to see you as much as he could have as you growing into the wonderful woman that you are today! Beautiful post!

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    1. Thank-you, Ellen, for your kind words!

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  3. Real dads, authentic dads, the ones that fight the battles, hand out the discipline, enforce the rules and monitor the chores are truly a blessing. Like moms, they are far from perfect, but their imperfections teach us so much. i'm sorry you had to miss out on a dad like that but I'm much more sorry that he missed out on YOU!
    vicky
    www.thepursuitofnormal.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Vicky. I appreciate your comment! (Sure hope it doesn't sound like I was cuing the violins on this one!)

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  4. I admire your resilience. My parents divorced when I was 15, but my dad avoided going home for anything but 7 hours sleep for years before that. Father's Day always brings mixed emotions for me. I agree that it was important, as it was for you, for me to look around at many models of fatherhood. Good job for not generalizing all men by the behavior of one man. (I did that for a decade or more and didn't marry until I was 34. Having a son helped me a lot, too.)

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    1. But I DID generalize and like you, I didn't marry until I was 32. Be interesting to know if the 50% divorce rate factors into the increasing age at which people tend to marry for the first time. The "experts" seem to link it to other factors including higher education and career concerns; but it's just common sense to think that divorced parents makes you more cautious when it comes to marriage. Thanks for your comment, Karen!

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  5. It was indeed his loss, Pam.

    Like you, we had a "normal" father for a few years...and then things began to go bad. He never left, but he transformed into a person who was hard to like very much.

    I think sometimes that having a father and losing him in this way--a sort of living death--is harder on kids than losing a father to death, as we know he's out there...but not for us. You're right that it toughens us up, but there's always a cost.

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    1. I agree - it is harder to lose a parent to divorce than to death. Must be the rejection factor. Also, not sure I'll ever be convinced that the cost is worth the "resilience" one gains. Thanks for your comment!! Reassuring to know others with similar experiences.

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  6. Pam, it makes me sad for you that you missed out on having a dad to rely on. Clearly, though, you learned both self-reliance and became determined to create a family structure with two parents that was of the ultimate importance to you. I think you are absolutely right that your father missed much by being uninvolved. Thank you for your honest writing about a painful subject.

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    1. Thanks Grown and Flown. Appreciate your comment! (I hope I don't sound like I'm wallowing in self-pity here! :) )

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  7. I read this and am so impressed with your acceptance of what is. There's not bitterness and there's self-assurance as you remind us that your father missed out too. I'm sure he did. And what a fabulous mother you had/have. Sounds like you gained strength from her - she must be very wise. Thank you for such an honest post - and such an inspiring attitude of strength from the loss of his presence.

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    1. Well, thank-you, Barb. Awfully kind words. My mother was definitely a model of fortitude, that's for sure!

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  8. Well, you certainly made lemonade. I'm sorry your father wound up with the lemons. You made the best of what you were given. You have been smart about your life. Thanks.

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    1. Wellllll...I tried to make lemonade! Thanks, Sandra.

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  9. Poignant and heartfelt. Thanks for sharing! Sounds like your husband is quite ordinary and your kids are blessed!

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  10. Maybe if more men truly realized how deeply their bad behavior hurts their kids they'd try just a little bit harder. I'm sorry your dad wasn't there for you. You deserved much better. And in the end he's the one who missed out.

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    1. Yeah, well, you know, what are ya gonna do? :) But I do agree that dads are important and unfortunately, our society has placed way more importance on the mother's presence and not enough on the dad's. That has kind of given them license to not be present, especially if the parents' relationship does not work out. On the other hand, there are a lot of good, conscientious dads out there; it's good to remember that! Thanks for your comment, Chloe.

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  11. Pam, I think you're mom was quite special, she stood by you and raised all three of you. I hope she did it without talking about your father every two seconds in a not "so good kind of a way", like my own mom did frequently. Writing about these tough experiences surely brings things into perspective! Thanks for sharing your story, I know it can be hard writing about it. Blessings!

    Maritza

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    1. Oh, my mom did that, too. Talk about my dad in a 'not so good way.' Oh, well. She was human. And I guess he was, too! Thanks, Maritza, for your comment!

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    2. Pam, this beautiful, heartfelt post really made me stop and think how fortunate my siblings and I were to grow with a loving father. Your strength and resiliency comes through clearly in writing.

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    3. Thanks, Pat. My siblings and I certainly appreciate the relationship we have today!

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